Thought Bubble: I expect too much from Men…

There is probably some experienced women out there who may stumble across the title of this blog and say ” Well honey, I could of told you that for free” but, no matter how much history replays itself, we always seem to get ourselves into the same pickle – so much for evolution ey!

My issue is this, I get myself into a great and solo stage where I am at my peak, I am happy, not reporting to any one, no significant over and I have reached the stage of contentment in self love and all that. Then bang, here comes someone who you think understands you, gets where your coming from and suddenly I am feeling like I need them to be there for me. Like WTH… I was just fine ten seconds before you came and all of a sudden when they have typically lost interest in whatever the hell they must have found vaguely interesting, has disappeared like Cinderella’s ball gown after 12 ‘o’ clock.

This is not to be confused for one of those ” All men are trash” rants ( I am saving that for next week ha) but, this is a confession that as soon as I find what I believe might be a good guy I find myself giving life and caring but maybe the trick is to not expect the same thing back, not expect him to be my prince Eric from little mermaid (Sorry for the Disney references lol), but realise that things cool off and what might be right for now may not be right forever and not to expect they will always understand the sacrifice and loyalty you are trying to show.

Miscommunication is a bugger and although I long for a guy who can be consistent, all these experiences make it much more harder for the next guy as I become more closed off (sucks I know). But, as they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and as long as you know what you expect from yourself and focus on when you are most happiest, I guess we will find the prince charming that would like to fit around us and meet us in the middle for a change.

In the words of my Guyanese Grandma “Every Mouldy biscuit gat he  vum vum cheese” or in other words, there is someone for everyone xx

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Thought Bubble: Go and Find Yourself …

I feel Alone! So bizarre- Not that I don’t have people around me but, I am sure I can not be the only person to feel alone in a room full of people. I do not want pity, that is not why I have exposed such feelings, I look at it as a transitional period.

I mean for example, I have probably cut and bruised any guy who has tried to show me love or attention recently (not in a physical way) but, in a way that I am fed up of relationships. I vowed a million times over that I would never turn into one of those bitter ladies however, sadly I am a certified member lol! In a nutshell, I have become selfish with my time and want to focus on me and when a guy comes into my life and decides to do the right thing by, giving me extra attention and wants to spend more time with me- I run away and retreat and act like a cow so they give up. Call it a defence method or whatever the hell I am doing, I am just presently no longer a lover or love and sometimes it does kill me as I was never like that!

Then there’s life ambitions, that’s changed to. I’ve seemed to have embarked on some random journey for one which involves; travelling, money saving (a bit of a contradiction with the travelling I know lol) and mainly thinking about what I want out of life first and it does feel quite lonely. You may read this and feel like duh! Shalishah you’re kind of making it this way, which is true – but I feel like I am going through a period where I need to find myself again, or maybe I never did find my true self in the first place? Life experiences shape you.

Anyway, this blog post is for all the ladies and gentlemen out there who have had rubbish thrown in their faces, their eyes opened and now just need A LOT of self Loving, I feel you! Go and find yourself again !

Shalishah xx