Life experiences change you. Not that it is meant to be some sort of mind blowing revelation but, I was looking through some old pictures that I saved on some random memory stick which was full of cute cuddly family moments and genuine smiles with ex-besties, boyfriends and the works- which are now deleted for extra storage lol. I couldn’t resist flicking through those pictures and thinking my goodness how much things have changed, how much I have changed.
I even find myself telling people at times that I was a really good person, not that I’m not anymore ha, but I mean I was a REALLY good person sweet as pie. Don’t get me wrong she is still there somewhere, but she buried and locked away inside a hard shell so that I don’t feel vulnerable to peoples tricks. I feel like I have become somewhat Icy and savage as we now call it in compared to that sweet, ignorant girl of 18 years old in those pictures. Life has changed me.
There are times where I wish I could forget about memories or situations which made me less trusting and more cautious, after all, she’s still there inside me and does come out from time to time but it is just the simple truth that life and the experiences that come with it, especially in this world, sucks out any innocence you possibly may have wanted to hold on to and forces you to question everything or only let few people get close to you.
By no means am I complaining, but I can say that even though like many other of you readers, some experiences are bloody tough to swallow is does make you wiser and stronger.
Lets stay true to us even if its different to what we originally thought our lives would look like.
There is probably some experienced women out there who may stumble across the title of this blog and say ” Well honey, I could of told you that for free” but, no matter how much history replays itself, we always seem to get ourselves into the same pickle – so much for evolution ey!
My issue is this, I get myself into a great and solo stage where I am at my peak, I am happy, not reporting to any one, no significant over and I have reached the stage of contentment in self love and all that. Then bang, here comes someone who you think understands you, gets where your coming from and suddenly I am feeling like I need them to be there for me. Like WTH… I was just fine ten seconds before you came and all of a sudden when they have typically lost interest in whatever the hell they must have found vaguely interesting, has disappeared like Cinderella’s ball gown after 12 ‘o’ clock.
This is not to be confused for one of those ” All men are trash” rants ( I am saving that for next week ha) but, this is a confession that as soon as I find what I believe might be a good guy I find myself giving life and caring but maybe the trick is to not expect the same thing back, not expect him to be my prince Eric from little mermaid (Sorry for the Disney references lol), but realise that things cool off and what might be right for now may not be right forever and not to expect they will always understand the sacrifice and loyalty you are trying to show.
Miscommunication is a bugger and although I long for a guy who can be consistent, all these experiences make it much more harder for the next guy as I become more closed off (sucks I know). But, as they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and as long as you know what you expect from yourself and focus on when you are most happiest, I guess we will find the prince charming that would like to fit around us and meet us in the middle for a change.
In the words of my Guyanese Grandma “Every Mouldy biscuit gat he vum vum cheese” or in other words, there is someone for everyone xx
All I’m saying is, if the last couple of months of my life were televised it would probably be on par with Eastenders and popular on netflix- DRAMA! My phone was stolen, I was in a car accident and now have no car, I am in the process of moving out for the first time and am kind of excited but apprehensive and unlike my last blog- I have actually been giving the whole dating thang a go but feel like I must still not be doing something right or maybe I am – lord knows!
Don’t get me wrong I know there are much more serious things going on in the world and when put in perspective I will get over this very long blip but, it’s like can something just go right for once! I do a good job of covering things over and acting like I am okay with life just not going to plan (she says after finishing her 3rd box of Kleenex ha) but life is tough!
So, what do we do? Honestly, each situation is different and what one person might find an absolute mountain another person could view it as a piece of cake but, it is okay to feel like you can’t handle it. No matter how Superhuman or Goddess-like we may look, we are only human and life is bound to get on top of us. Take a step back and re-evaluate your options to work around the situation or if its something that can’t be overlooked build your inner self to work through it. You got this!
I have also made it a task to set new goals to help me re-focus on something more positive rather than things that may not be going particularly great. A perfect way to build a more positive mind. Start small and realistic and build on them believing that even if it does get sticky like honey it will taste sweet in the end!
Chins up Puddings xx